Date: March 19. 2010.
Location: An alternative health care center on the East Coast
Task: choose life or choose death.
At the time I was suffering from a variety of health issues that were really dragging me down. I had had a sudden weight gain of 45#, severe joint pain, stiffness, headaches, and major detox issues. I was really really tired and was feeling very old and unhealthy.
I had been trying to figure out what was wrong with me. As a Law Of Attraction student, part of me was worried that looking for what was wrong was the wrong approach and would only bring me more pain. But my body was already in pain despite trying to ignore what was happening. I was sincerely looking for relief in whatever form that might be.
The doctor I was meeting with that day was a highly sensitive, intuitive and talented healer. After a detailed comprehensive physical, he was looking at some test results. Based on the results, he postulated that something was wrecking my endocrine system. He suspected Lyme disease. This was a highly specialized suspicion. Not many doctors would look at the test results and see this. I was truly blessed that he had this insight.
When he told me Lyme, I was so relieved. (Remember relief is the signpost to progress …..) I finally had something I could focus on. It wasn’t all in my head. This could be treated and fixed. And it made sense. As a kid I was bitten by ticks several times As an adult living in Maryland in the woods for almost 20 years, I have been bitten at least once a season if not more.
It wasn’t my fault and I could take care of it.
My relief lasted about five minutes. The doctor and his staff had very strong ideas about treating Lyme and I could feel their energy pulling me down a path that wasn’t mine.
They started bombarding me with things to do, tests to take, supplements to start, and I could feel myself shutting down. I knew enough about myself to know I needed some time and to not commit to anything. I left the office with no next step in place.
As I drove home, I felt two distinct choices open up to me. I had a physical, energetic, kinesthetic experience of two distinct paths being available to me. One was light and relief and life. The other was decreasing, dark, and felt like despair and death.
One was a path to the left, where I followed his lead and energy and suggestions and I’d spend money and time and get sucked up into a costly mess of energy that may or may not heal me. I could feel the anxiety and distress of this path. And luckily I knew that this anxiety and distress was a sign that this path wasn’t for me.
The second path was to the right of me. It felt clear. I had met a TCM practitioner by pure chance, (or more likely an act of grace), a few months ago who specialized in Lyme. His name came to me as the next step and it felt like freedom.
For some folks, staying with the doctor and his recommendations would have been correct. I can never prescribe for another, or for myself, what to do. All we can do is be in the moment, sense what’s relief and what’s constriction, and follow the relief, follow the flow.
I am so grateful for everything that led to this point and for knowing that my intuition and energetic experiences are to be trusted no matter what is happening around me.
Most, if not all, of my work is helping others find their own intuition. I offer this story, this personal experience, of an example of how these choices might feel to us in the moment.