Today is day 42 of an extended juice fast I’ve been undertaking. I’ve been getting loads of questions about my process and want to share some of my experience and journey here. I plan on breaking it up into a few different parts.
This first set of posts will be about the journey up to the fast. This includes:
- Where I Started
- Paving the Way/The Role of EFT/Being Patient
- Finding my Simillimum
- A Necessary Spiritual Reconfiguring about Food Both Personal and In the Planets
Then I’ll talk about some of the resources I found helpful, what I actually did, and how to break the fast.
So watch this space these next few weeks.
Where I Started
When I went to college at a young age of 16, I developed an obsession with diet, food, and appearance. For a variety of reasons, some personal, some cultural, I bought into the whole controlling-your-food mentality. I also exercised regularly and vigorously and in fact was a competitive powerlifter who would do insane things to make the competition weigh-ins. I experimented with severe diets and then bulemia and eventually ended up in Overeaters Anonymous.
My relationship with food was distorted. My relationship with my body was distorted. My relationship with myself was distorted.
My 20’s
In my 20’s after some years of therapy and OA, I eased into an relatively peaceful place with respect to food and exercise. I exercised regularly and ate pretty decently. My body appearance was satisfying and I thought I had conquered this beast from the past.
My 30’s
I miscarried my first pregnancy and gained a few pounds from the pregnancy and the loads of ice cream I consoled myself with. I then had three healthy babies and after the first two pregnancies bounced back easily. I discovered how to exercise with a baby in a carrier, and then with two children in a stroller. I even had a triple stroller so I could walk with all three children.
But after my last pregnancy, my body didn’t bounce back. I could feel this toxic heaviness and was eating as if my life depended on it. I was tired and depleted and appearance was not my concern -survival was. It wasn’t emotional eating – it was biochemically driven eating. I injured my legs running and developed a crippling case of bilateral plantar fasciitis and bone spurs that stopped me from exercising. I gained a lot of weight and wasn’t exercising well.
The feeling of being fat and unhealthy was horrible. I felt ashamed, unloved, and just miserable in my skin. As an Enneagram 3, being unattractive feels like the kiss of death and I was living it every day.
I tried to pretend it didn’t matter. I tried to focus on what I did have. I felt incredible stuck. It was very challenging to be so far from where I wanted to be.
In fact, that is the first step of moving forward – acknowledging your heart’s true desire. Being able to see where you are and where you want to be requires courage and a willingness to feel the distance between the two. It means trusting your heart’s desire, listening to what shows up, and taking action when inspired.
Next post I talk about what the different things I tried for several years with no apparent results.
Photo by Sara Dubler
