Triggered to compassionate #2

Healing yourself, loving the world

Let’s talk about what’s triggering you.

Did I say talk? I meant tap.

Surrogate tapping is a way to tap for people we care about. In those situations, it’s helpful to clear our own response to what’s happening first before respectfully stepping into tapping for others. There are different ways to do this. I used to teach a seven-step process. Gwyneth Moss has a three-step process that’s a bit easier to remember:

Talk About
Talk To
Talk As

We can also use this model to tap on things and people that are triggering us. Let me be very clear though. We are not intending harm or malice to the other person, we are finding the way into our truth in the light of extreme contrast.

Talk about the person

The first step is to talk about the situation while tapping. (I’m assuming you already know how to tap.)  Let yourself talk about the person, what’s upsetting you, and notice the underlying feelings come up.  In this step, it’s okay to be mad at them, assume their intentions are bad, and so on.  We aren’t taking the spiritual high road here; we’re naming the fear we are feeling.

Talk to the person

Once you’ve done at least five rounds of tapping and notice your intensity dropping, you can move onto the step of talking to the person. Again, let me be clear.  We are not actually talking to the person.  We are having an imaginary conversation where we get to say to the person everything we want to, without filtering ourselves. While tapping, give yourself permission to say what’s coming up for you. Fear and anger tend to be the two driving feelings here.

Talk as the person

This step is a bit tricker. In this case, you are talking as if you are the person while tapping. I led this exercise in a group recently on a highly-polarizing political figure. When I stepped into the role of tapping as him, I was surprised to find I could actually find a new perspective and depth of emotion.

Why spend the time?

  • To feel better
  • To address our underlying fear
  • To deepen our connections to the broader truth
  • To make a difference in ways we don’t understand

If we are sending anger out into the world, we aren’t helping. If we are feeling scared, we aren’t helping.  But if we deny these feelings in the face of extreme contrast and unpleasant events, we are cutting off part of ourselves.  As we give voice to what triggers us, find our center through tapping, we can then move into action out of a centered, loving place.

This work isn’t for the faint of heart. This work is for those of us committed to our growth and the larger picture.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining me.

Photo by Shawn Appel
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Deborah Donndelinger

Deborah Donndelinger

I'm writing from Maryland, but my heart goes out all over the world. I'm cheering you on as you tackle the hard stuff, embrace the easy, and show up to help others.

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