Beginnings and endings

Healing yourself, loving the world

Everyone has their own unique process of handling endings and beginnings. Like the astrological signs correspond to starting energy or fixed energy or completing energy, we might find that we are better at endings, beginnings, or staying the course.

For those of us who are quick to engage with new ideas or projects, we might benefit from asking a few well-chosen questions before we commit our precious energy.

For those of us who reluctant to end something, we might benefit from examining the relationship and naming what we gained and what is now stagnant.

Helpful Perspectives

The field of Family Constellations offers some helpful perspectives on endings and beginnings.

  1. We always need to feel connected to a family or group unit (often called a tribe, but I’m trying not to use that word out of cultural respect.) If we envision our group as having a certain gravitational energy, we need some force to propel us out of that field. We need a body that attracts us enough that we can leave the old group. As you look at your transitions from family of origin, you might notice relationships that you have judged as dysfunctional. If you look at that relationship as a transitional tool from one tribe to another, you might find yourself seeing the relationship in a new light.
  2. We will feel guilt when we leave a unit or group. It’s normal and natural and does not mean it’s wrong. Guilt is what a group uses to help keep itself intact. It’s what makes up some of the gravitational force I mentioned above.
  3. We often use anger or disillusionment to propel ourselves out of the family’s forcefield. It takes awareness and character to see the value we had while in the group and to recognize that it’s time to leave. We do NOT have to criticize whom we are leaving in order to leave.
  4. Unresolved issues from leaving a relationship can hinder future relationships. The healthiest perspective I have seen is to have appreciation and gratitude for the other and the experience and that each person energetically takes responsibility for their part.

If you want to work on this from a Family Energetics perspective, my book has several different exercises on this. For an example of the impact of an ending and a beginning related to Homelands, this blog post might be helpful. When We Choose To Leave

Photo by Anton Darius

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Deborah Donndelinger

Deborah Donndelinger

I'm writing from Maryland, but my heart goes out all over the world. I'm cheering you on as you tackle the hard stuff, embrace the easy, and show up to help others.

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